Would I still be good?

I recently heard a story of a mother who accidentally mixed her one month old baby's formula with vodka. The baby is going to fine even after her blood alcohol level reached a staggering .29% (according to a USA Today article). But the child's toes turned red, her legs started shaking and she was rushed to the emergency room and then intensive care.

As I listened to the story being told while holding my middle born, I felt my gut tighten. What if that was my child? It was a total accident. Dad filled a water bottle with vodka to take it to a friends house and left it on the counter. But by the grace of God, it could totally be our home. (Not that we are in the habit of carrying vodka around in water bottles, but you get the point.) 

Then the whisper came: "Would I still be good?" 

Dads that die driving home from the job worked so hard to bring the bread and bacon.

Moms struck still in word. Cancer. 

"Would I still be good?"

Financial security ripped away when the oil drops and downsizing rises.

The spouse came to work with the news. I thought he had gotten fired. But no. Worse. Heart stopped beating. Lungs not filling. "Your dad died." 

"Am. I. still. good?"

I recently heard Tim Keller say that it's often hard for us to identify our idols. We often think we don't have any. So rather than trying to identify idols, begin to identify the things that would cause you to reject the goodness and sovereignty of God. Would the loss of anything in life, a child, a spouse, an identity, a social standing, anything, cause you to reject the goodness and sovereignty of God? Once you identify those things, you will know what your idols are.  (And that is grossly paraphrased. He is much more eloquent than I ever could be.)

So, the question has been coming to me often. Would I still be good? If your child dies? If the man I'm soul-joined with didn't come home one day be it from death or just a choice to walk away....would I question His goodness?

He stands by and doesn't intervene in situations when we think He should. When we scream "if You are so good, why didn't You stop this?! Why did You let someone do that to me? When things are precious to me, I don't just stand by while someone else utterly destroys them! Why didn't You stop this?" When the why's won't stop flooding our minds....how do we respond to Him then? IS HE STILL GOOD?

It's in these moments that we have to allow our minds to rule over our feelings. Where we stop the reckless rape of our minds by the enemy and cling tight to the shoulder of His robe, burying our face in His neck, knuckles white and fingers frozen in a grip that won't be let go of. This is where we fall, helpless, hopeless, confused and lost, but believing and trusting beyond all that we can see. He is who He says He is. And He says that He is good. His words are clear, black and white for all to see:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

He is the same, yesterday and today and tomorrow. (Hebrews 13:5)

In Him is life. (John 1)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord Your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:2)

I give water in the wilderness, rivers in the desert, to give drink to my chosen people, the people I formed for myself that they might declare my praise (Isaiah 43:20b-21)

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7-8)

This is not an exhaustive list...not by a long shot. Just a few verses the Lord popped to my mind. He is good. And nothing can change that. Not death, not life, not abuse, not abandonment, not financial ruin, not a car wreck or a diagnosis. Nothing can change who He is. And He is good. 

Oh Lord, may we run this race set before us with endurance. Teach us to take thoughts captive and submit them to your truth. We can know your character as clear as we see our faces in the mirror. Give us a hunger for your word and a hunger to know you more. Draw those who don't know you and find us faithful in the midst of the earthly. Amen.