Writing More

I'm trying to write more. It's a cry of my soul. I often find that my thoughts and emotions don't always make total sense until I get them out through the clicking of the keys or the scratch of pen to paper.

If you look back at the frequency of my blogs, you'll find I do this about once a year. I declare with great gumption and forthrightness: "I'm going to write more! I NEED to write more! I'm making the time! Hello again blog word!" And then I do for about a week, and trail off into the land of other things more pressing. The soul cry neglected for the world staring eyeball to eyeball.

Isn't that life though? The art of balancing the soul cries with the actual cries coming at us from all corners. The crib, the hunger, the laundry, the coloring and crafting and running and playing, the bill paying and the dish washing. The poor, the widow, the orphan...the pure and faultless religion that God our Father accepts (James 1:27). The cries come at us from every direction, seemingly all the time.

I recently read that:

Stephen King writes 2,000 words a day, “and only under dire circumstances do I allow myself to shut down before I get my 2,000 words.”  He finishes a 180,000-word novel in three months.  He says, “If I don’t write every day, the characters begin to stale off in my mind—they begin to seem like characters instead of real people.  The tale’s narrative edge starts to rust and I begin to lose my hold on the story’s plot and pace.  Worst of all, the excitement of spinning something new begins to fade.  The work starts to feel like work, and for most writers that is the smooch of death.”  Credit: here

Now, I know Stephen King has 3 kids, but I doubt they are still in diapers these days. So bless him for his 2,000 words a day. (I wonder if he was able to do that when they were in diapers?!) I would just like to eek out the ones that will be most helpful to my soul in these moments.

How does a writer get to the point where they think others will want to read what they write? I mean when did Stephen King say: "Ya know, I think I will call a publisher...someone else might find these 180,000 words of mine worth $20 a copy." Maybe it's just the drive of the goal of being published. I recently had someone tell me that I should write a book about my life experiences. When she said it, I have to admit, something in my soul sparked. Almost like a little lightening bolt to my spirit. We'll see what the Lord does with that. ;-)

For now, I'm just trying to balance the everyday pushes and pulls with the cries of the soul the Lord put in me. I seek to honor the soul He put in me and the soul work He has put in front of me.

Commitment in the Rain

In May, Texas got more rain than any other month on record. It was a good thing too because it was followed by months of little to no rain. The rivers dropped, burn bans started popping up and kids were set loose to explore the great outdoors again.

It started raining again today. Flood like rains. Downpour. Traction Control light on my van freaking out like of rain. Part of me wanted to go stand in it. Let the drips and drops pelt my head cold, feel the water trickle down the little hairs on my arms. Another part of me was glad for our roof and glass panes of protection from the driving storms. 

I drove out to the farm of a friend of ours. They have 4000+ chickens on any given day, along with cattle, pigs, turkeys, and various other animals. During those flood days back in May, they were so flooded out, the farm was wrecked. 300+ pound pigs were rootin' all over the place because of downed fences and wreaking havoc everywhere they went. It was a mess. And today, as I drove up the gravel road, tires creating water walls like Moses standing at the edge of the Red Sea, I was reminded of those days. 

I thought of our friend and the rain he had to willingly step out into this morning. He and his workers in mud boots and hooded jackets, in and out of the torrential pourings without option. Without option not because he really didn't have one. But without option because he had made a commitment. Commitments to his family to provide, his animals to care, shield and protect them, and to the hundreds of families his farm feeds every month. Once made, commitments are no longer options. 

I am guilty of making a commitment and then not keeping it. From the smallest things like not drinking a 5th cup of coffee that day to forgetting an appointment to breaking the vows I set on my wedding day to cherish, always love and always sacrifice for. I know that to be born is to be set up to forget, fail and otherwise stumble. It's the nature of this broken world.

But our society has gone the way of commitment ineptitude. We find someone who actually does what they say they will and we are baffled by their astounding character. We stand in awe of someone showing up on time to serve in a church week after week after week. In our small town, to find a contractor who will show up to quote a job is an amazing feat. And to have them actually complete the job they quoted, is downright unbelievable. Yet, for those who are men of their word, they are promised to see job after job after job roll in. People want to work with those who are committed and follow through.

I don't know exactly what prompted all this rambling except that I hope by diligence and doing the hard work, I can raise children who do what they say. I hope that when their generation grows up and becomes the farmers, contractors and church volunteers of the world, that my kids stand out, not necessarily for their intelligence or wit, but because they are men and women of their word.  I pray that I can raise them to look out the window, see the rain and jerk on the mud boots with a smile. 

A New Season is Upon Us

I have tried starting this a few times and there is no easy way to begin one of the most bittersweet posts I've ever written. So here we go, bear with me....

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven...Ecclesiastes 3:1

A season is ending for us tomorrow and man... our hearts are heavy. 

Dave has accepted a worship leader position at a new church. Well, I suppose our whole family has accepted a worship leader position. Because when the leader of our home was called into ministry, so were we. 

But this new adventure came without much warning. Dave wasn't seeking a position. We are not disgruntled or frustrated or angry or upset with our current church. We were not looking to change churches. We were perfectly content. Comfortable even. But as the writer of Ecclesiastes says: There is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing (Ecc 3:5b) We have embraced the people of Redeemer Brenham as our own and now it's time to let go. 

The Lord did not prepare me five and a half years ago for how the people of Redeemer would come to weave their way into the deepest parts of my spirit. I wasn't prepared for what true community under the banner of Christ Jesus looked like. I wasn't prepared to walk rocky terrain along side people who love no matter what, accept despite my faults and embrace in order to heal and grow. People who truly, deeply and honestly understand what it means to meet felt needs and share whatever they have. I had not known this type of genuine Christ like love until now. 

We have walked through the darkest season of our lives with these folks holding our arms high. They identified broken places in our lives sometimes before we could, and were prepared with the Gospel to help put pieces back together. They have mourned with us in ways we didn't know people were capable of.

They laughed, jumped, shouted and cried when we announced not one, not two, but three pregnancies. They have held our babies in their arms and hearts and prayers. They provided meals for a solid month after each of the kids was born and some of them have even done my laundry and cleaned my toilet. (Poor, sweet souls. Bless. Bless. Bless.) And we've helped those same friends welcome over 22 babies!! 25+ babies in five and a half years? I'm just sayin'....don't drink the water.

We've gone through a church merge together. A healthy one that was an amazing testament to the Lord. Click on the link and watch that video - it's freakin' awesome!!

We've done bible studies, women's ministries, run sound and led worship. We have gone berry picking, on retreats, thrown wedding showers, thrown baby showers (a lot of baby showers) and shared in kid-watching duties. 

And then there is food. Sweet mercy the food. I thought I knew how to cook before I came to Texas. And I was so, so, so, so....SO...wrong. We love sharing food together. And there is a lot of it. Something beautiful happens over shared meals. There have been multiple times I've gotten a random phone call that someone heard I was having a rough day and they are bringing dinner over. I've repaid the favor gladly on multiple occasions as well. You know you've found a sweet spot in life when people drop dinner off because your entire family has been sick for a few days. 

The teaching of this church has been revolutionary in our lives. You'd think two adults who were raised in church their whole lives would have some rock solid theology. Don't get me wrong. We knew what we believed, but we needed help reinforcing the foundations started decades ago. And we found it under the teaching of Justin Hyde and Marcus Lawhon. They filled in gaps for us that made the whole tapestry of salvation and this crazy Christian walk make sense. 

So here I sit on the eve of our last day of worship with the people who have been "our people" for over 5 years. To all of you at Redeemer, I am eternally grateful for the ways the Lord has shown His deep, all surpassing love through you. I am thankful that you have taught me so much, from how to birth babies to how to cook Lemon Fusilli. For the ways you have challenged my actions and the thoughts behind the actions. For the lifelong friends I know we have made. And for the ways you point to Jesus. Oh the many, many ways you live out His love in your daily walks. I know we aren't perfect...Lawd knows we gots lots to work on, right?!...but we are seeking His heart. Thank you for an amazing 5 years, I will never be the same.